Conquer Your Fears: How To Choose Lingerie

Conquer Your Fears: How To Choose Lingerie

Who’s afraid of lingerie? If you mentally raised your hand, you’re not alone.  Age, stretch marks, rolls, and veins can drive any woman into a pair of fleece pajamas. Under the covers. In the dark.

Not a sexy look. In fact, your lover can’t even see you now.

We’ve all been there, but it’s not too late to make like Austin Powers and get your “mojo” back. Here are five lingerie style tricks that are sure to boost your confidence and sex appeal. I can personally attest to the effectiveness of these strategies!

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Layer up with garters, stockings, and more! Photo from

Create “The Big Reveal”

Strippers don’t go on stage naked, and neither should you. Build anticipation (and your self-confidence) by slowly and seductively peeling away layers for the Big Reveal.  A silk robe slides off to a sheer teddy and thigh highs, eventually giving way to a corset and panties.  Then, the Big Reveal.  By now, you’re both so wound up that the last thing you’re thinking about is a stretch mark or love handle.

Show Off Your Assets

Do you like some body parts better than others?  Draw attention to them by using striking colors, prints, bling, or bare skin to visually “project” your assets.  This strategy naturally minimizes those areas and minimizing anxiety before your Big Reveal. Here are some suggestions by body shape:

Rectangles: The bust line is the usually the strongest asset for this woman. Try a sweetheart corset or bustier that is dark in the mid section and lighter/brighter/embellished through the bust. It creates an hourglass shape. Pair with a dark but shear stocking and panties so the attention stays upward.


Inverted triangles: I also calls these ladies my “martini glasses” because they always have great stems!  To show off your legs, try printed stockings or thigh highs (sparkles, metallics are fun options) with a garter belt and thong.  Pair with a form-fitting halter teddy (you’ll want underwires or other support seaming) that doesn’t take attention away from the leggy embellishments.

Triangles:  These ladies want to balance out their larger hips/thighs by accentuating their lovely shoulders and chest.  A wide-strapped bra/corset/form-fitting teddy with shoulder and chest embellishments and bright colors are your best friends. Cut-out strappy cups are naughty but nice. Padding doesn’t hurt if you’re a B cup or smaller! Try pairing them with darker lace boy short and darker french-seamed stockings.

Embellished bras de-emphasize a triangle’s bum. Photo:

Ovals: While focusing on the chest/shoulders is the main strategy, creating long vertical lines from chest to ankle is an oval woman’s secret weapon. That means, monochromatic color schemes with no horizontal seams or detailing between across the mid-section. Try a long sheer gown over a wide-strapped black sheer body suit and teddy.

NOTE:  “Corset” is the top keyword search under lingerie-related terms online.



We forget about this small but important element in our lingerie plan. Start your Big Reveal the minute your date night starts by wearing seductive accents.

I like to think about my husband’s tastes in this arena. He loves a sexy shoe.  So I indulge with 4” strappy sandals— mind you, these are my Two-Hour Specials that get me to dinner, a drink, and home if they even leave the house. When he sees me put them on, he knows he’s going to get lucky.

Body jewelry is an exotic favorite. Try a silk camisole with a layer of body jewelry over it and then a sheer blouse to top it off.  It’s a visual tease and feels sexy (which means YOU feel sexy).

For those who are more adventurous, why not pull out the leather?  Michael Kors took the harness belt out of the dungeon and onto the runways. It’s a force when worn over a silk blouse or sheath dress. Over-the-knee suede or leather boots, leather corsets, leather tassels. The options are endless. I suggest keeping the rest of the outfit a bit conservative when you’re in public— we don’t want to be too obvious.


Remember perfume, candles, flowers, lotions, mouth-watering foods and drinks that wet the appetite. I’m a fan of the island-inspired India Hicks line.

This layered ensemble works for most body types. Shop

Get Your Lover Involved

So, now you have a lingerie plan, but how do you make the most of it? Many of us feel awkward discussing lingerie with our S.O.’s, especially if you’ve been together for many years without any talk of it.  Believe me, the effort is well worth it.

Subtle Method #1: Email a link to a look/garment that matches your lingerie plan with a note that says something like:  “I think this would look pretty hot on me.  What do you think? BTW, I wear a size “large” and a 36DD bra ;-)”

This a) starts the dialogue, and b) offers the opportunity to consider, opine and (even better) purchase the lingerie.  You’ll be amazed at how giving permission to do so jumpstarts the process.

Not-So-Subtle Method #2: When the house is empty, announce that you bought two new outfits and you want to know which one to keep and which one to take back.  Change in the other room, and make your entrance. The unexpected visual will have high impact, but don’t stop there.  Encourage fabric touching and feedback.  Then you learn your partner’s likes and dislikes and show, without a shadow of doubt, that you’re ready to play.


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