Sent to my room to change: For trying to sneak out to school wearing a see-through mesh top a la Madonna. Note: This was not the only time I was told to change.
Grounded: After “borrowing” and ruining a pair of her expensive pumps. They were an irresistible purple, and were apparently not made for riding on the back of a Harley.
Chastised: For stupidly piercing my own ear (because I was forbidden from getting it done professionally), fainting, falling to the floor, and later getting an infection.
Daughters, especially teens, will do the opposite of what their mothers want when it comes to fashion. It’s genetic. It’s generational. What they WILL end up following is your example. Not necessarily in clothing or hair choices, but certainly in how you talk about your appearance and yourself. The best style advice you can pass on isn’t really advice at all but rather conveying a positive self image. A few things to consider:
Dress like you’ll meet the most important person of your life today. My mom taught me this one. Shlepping around in sweat pants, or wrinkled shirts, or ill-fitting clothes won’t do much for getting positive attention or opening doors of opportunity. No matter what your role or income, you can take pride in your appearance. Your daughter will learn to do the same.
Stop the self deprecation. Daughters hear you dogging yourself and begin setting a standard for their own beauty based on negative feedback. Here are a few ways to reframe those thoughts:
“These wrinkles make me look old” to “There’s a story behind every line.”
“I look like a pig in a bikini” to “I feel more confident in a one-piece.”
“Wish I looked like Jennifer Aniston” to “I’m going to create a signature style like Jennifer did.”
Compliment yourself and your daughter. If you’re rockin’ an outfit, say it out loud. If your daughter is rockin’ an outfit, give positive re-enforcement. Even if it’s not something you would ever wear. Making creative fashion statements (and mistakes) are part of growing up. Just take pictures for future laughs.
Bond With Beauty Activities. Go to the nail salon together. Shop together. Color each other’s hair. Don’t let differences in taste become more important than the precious time and love you share.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Co-publisher of SheSpark